Do You See My Heart?

I’ve studied and wrestled with this week’s passage of scripture for months, and in a way I don’t often with other passages. I kept asking the Lord questions like “What does this mean for me?” “How do I obey this?” “Am I doing this right? Are you happy with me, God?” After I’d exhausted myself contemplating participles and historical context, the Lord said to me “Do you see my heart?”

I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was asking the wrong question. And finally, instead of looking to the text and asking about the command I was supposed to follow, I looked at the text and asked God to show me his heart.

It’s easy to yield to your husband when he’s right, you’re safe and you know you are loved. When any one of these is uncertain, submitting is much harder. I can submit to Jesus because all of these things are always true. It’s difficult to submit to a husband (or government or elders or even other believers) because they aren’t Jesus. Yet, the Bible calls us to do this very thing. Why?

In Jesus’ high priestly prayer before his betrayal and arrest, He asked this of His Father: “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” Jesus prayed for unity for all those who already believed in him, and all those who ever would. Why would this be on Jesus’ mind even as the crucifixion loomed ahead?

So that the world would believe.

When a human body functions as it should, we don’t think about what it’s doing or why it’s doing it. All the parts work in unison. It’s when a problem arises and some part isn’t working correctly, that we ask questions. When a marriage functions as it should, no one is thinking too much about submission, but when something is off, we start pointing fingers.

What is God’s heart for marriage? That a husband and wife would be one. Why? Because the words of Genesis 2:24- “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”, reveal a profound mystery about Christ and the Church- our unity with Him.

In v. 21 Paul tells us we “submit to one another out of love for Christ”. This directive isn’t only for wives, or even women. It’s for all who believe in Christ. A wife understands what this call to yield to another looks like in a unique way because it happens in a marriage. But a wife isn’t only, always yielding, because a Christian husband is called to this as well. It’s a mutual submission. When a marriage works as God designed, at times, both will yield to one another.

Submission looks different in every marriage, but when we trust in Christ, His Holy Spirit comes to live within us. It’s the Spirit that shows us how this best works out in our own marriage. When we make rules about who should do the finances or lead family devotions or a million other things, we miss God’s heart- that we would be in one accord, and the unity in our marriage would show the world something about our Savior.

I couldn’t write on these verses without also adding this; God’s heart is that wives in marriages would be loved, cherished and nourished just as Christ continually does those things for His church. His heart is never for a wife to be abused. Jesus was continually restoring dignity to the women he encountered. If you and/or your children are being harmed by your husband, please do not keep it a secret in the name of submission.

Church, may God be glorified in our marriages, and may we experience true unity that brings us comfort and joy.

-Natalie