I Am Undone

“Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully.”

I look down. I see filth on my hands.

I look within. I know the depth of darkness that lurks there.

I look up. I see God - the maker of heaven and earth, whom I am to give an account, and like Isaiah I am undone.

I am unable to ascend the hill of the Lord. How can an unholy woman stand before Him? I have nothing to offer Him but shame. Any righteousness I have is tainted. It’s but filthy rags to a glorious God.

“Woe is me!”, Isaiah cried. My heart is broken because I feel it too.

I am lost. Cursed.

Galatians 3:10 - “For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.”

Like Narnia, where it was always winter but never Christmas, all of creation cries out with me begging for relief.

Who can save us from this curse of sin that seems to go on, relentlessly, for all of history?

But at just the right time, when we were powerless to save ourselves, the ancient gate swung open, and the holy lamb of God came forth.

Christmas came.

Christ was born to die for the ungodly.

He redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us. He was cursed, so we could be blessed.

I look down. My hands have been washed.

I look within. My heart is new, and filled with the very Spirit of God.

I look up. Who is this King of Glory?

Behold the Lamb of God, who makes all things new. Even me.

-Natalie Runyon