Check Mate

“Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.” (From 1 Corinthians 7 The Message translation)

My husband loves the game of chess. He plays with people from all over the world daily on an app on his phone. I’ve tried to play with him here at home, but I just can’t quite get the hang of it. The crucial thing is being able to see the board and strategize in such a way that you’ve anticipated 3 or more steps in the future for both you and your opponent. You’re hoping they’ll fall into a trap you set and that you’ll avoid the traps they set. You exchange pieces back and forth and play until one person can play no longer and must accept defeat. There is a clear winner and loser. In a game of chess - this is good and actually a great way to intellectually stimulate the brain. But in life, especially in marriage, it’s not the way we should be living.

Marriage is not about strategizing what your next move will be or thinking ahead 3-5 moves to figure out how to get your partner to fall into a trap. It’s not about I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. It’s not about competition. It’s not about winning and losing. Marriage is not about you on one side of the table and me on the other plotting a win.

It’s easy to see this is true, but how often is that the way people live out their marriage relationship? Marriage is a place where we choose to serve one another...in fact delight in it. We don’t keep score. In fact, we realize we are on the same team with the same goals and vision. Instead of competition, it’s about cooperation.

Not everyone is going to get married and Paul addresses this in this chapter, too. From his perspective it’s easier to be single, which shows me his humanness. We tend to view the world through our own set of circumstances. Either way...whether you’re single or married...it’s pure gift.

Delight in serving one another. Discover new ways to show your love to one another. Never lose the spark. Marriage is not a chess game - it’s a double’s tennis match or a canoe trip, it requires us working together, helping one another, encouraging each other on. Marriage requires us to recognize that we win together and we lose together, and as long as we’re together...it will be alright.

Ruth Spencer